[ patio logo ]

Here is a link to see the logo:  http://www.btkdesign.com/patioresize.html

[ rediscovering the american conglomerate ]

In a quest for the cheapest paint in Greensboro, Daniel and I wandered into Wal-Mart.

Now, Wal-Mart is one of those places that I’d rather take a beating than go near….particularly on the weekend [and particularly the one on Wendover.  ick.].  But, there is a little one right next to my apartment on N. Battleground that usually isn’t too heavily populated, thus the pain is lessened.    Anyhow, after buying COUNTLESS gallons of paint from Lowe’s and Home Depot over the past several weeks, we were in the market for one last color, just in the quart size.  Upon arriving to Lowe’s, they informed us that their house [cheap] brand of paint was no longer made in the quart size, and that we’d have to upgrade our paint quality.  “Sure, how much would a quart be in that?”  13 dollars.  That’s more than we spent on the gallons of the other stuff.  No way.  So, on the way back to my apartment and on a whim, we decided to see what Wal-Mart had to offer.  Surprisingly, they had a rather wide selection of paint [for what we needed, at least], and we got a quart for 5 DOLLARS!  Nice.  Why didn’t we go there for all those OTHER gallons of paint?!  Sigh.

Then the more magnificent occurence.  Distracted from my paint quest, I wandered into the home design section while Daniel supervised the paint being mixed.   If you haven’t been to Wal-Mart in the past year or so, they’ve added a home line that is FAR superior to prior times.  The accessories, lamps, furniture, home accents, etc. are AMAZING.   I would even venture to say better than Target.  And at MUCH better prices [it's Wal-Mart, of course--"Always low prices"].  I got an awesome vase for only $5 and they had SO much more that I’m going back for.  In the future, I will pursue ALL of my home design needs at Wal-Mart first.  Sounds odd, huh?  Especially coming from someone who does this for a living.  It was marvelous.  I believe I had a type of rebirth there.  Ok, so I’m being dramatic…but I do recommend you rediscover the magnificence that is our all-american Wal-Mart. 

[ clocking in ]

For those of you who know me, you know that I have been searching avidly for a job for many months.  My own business is great, but it’s been a little too slow lately to keep me afloat.  Attribute it to poor economy, saturated market, or whatever…it’s just not doing the trick lately.  I still love it and will probably return to it [or continue it] because I feel that’s God’s call for me.  But, at the moment, He’s got something else in store.

 So, background information in place, I’ve been on an eager hunt to find what that is.  I’ve put in at least 50 resumes, if not more, and have gotten nothing but unmaterialized nibbles.  The design market is just full right now.  Well, I FINALLY had some breakthroughs this week!  A friend of mine, who is a photographer, told me to apply at his studio because they are looking for interior/architectural designers to set up for photo shoots and ads.  This sounds like such a cool position to me.  After many phone calls and conversations, the company has finally set up an interview with me this Friday!  Praise God!  The more I look at their site, the more I love the idea of working there.  This would be such a great blessing, especially considering I’ve become convinced there’s no such thing as a job that I would actually enjoy. 

On another page, I was also invited to test out a position as a coach/instructor with a local gymnastics center [I taught/competed for many years--so it's definitely my element and I miss it!], and am going there this evening to see an exhibition and chat with the head coaches.  Very exciting.  So hopefully, that’ll be a good fallback if the studio falls through.  God’s finally been showing me some great open windows, and I am so eager and prayerfully awaiting His will for me!  Please join me in praying! You guys are so wonderful and so encouraging.  I can’t thank you enough for that!

[ dread ]

Ever since I was a little girl, spending my whole life devoted to nationally competitive gymnastics, I remember vividly the effect of ‘dread.’  Perhaps it was because ever since I was 5, I had to practice 5-6 hours every single day [from right after school until bedtime] and then I spent my weekend traveling all over the country for competitions.  I woke up in the morning dreading every day.  Dreading the coach telling me every little detail about me that was wrong.  The places where I didn’t measure up.  Telling me I was too tall or too fat or not good enough.  I was a quiet girl in school, and actually really enjoyed it.  It was the evening that I would spend all day every day dreading.   Why didn’t I quit?  Not an option.  Those who know gymnastics know that once you’re at that level, it is unheard of to quit.   The whole world stops when someone actually does quit.  And the threat is that ”you’ll always regret you did it and you’ll turn into a lazy ugly slob.”

Ok, I understand that was a whole lot of extranneous background information, and somewhat dramatic, but it gives you some insight toward today.  I was also a very hard worker in school.  VERY.  In high school, I was one of those perfect grade kids who was not only in every organization, activity, and honor society, but most times was the president.   I had it in my mind that I WOULD make it into Carolina….but the competition from my school was so steep, that I had to work hard for it.  Though I finally made it in, they didn’t even have my major, so I didn’t get to go there anyhow.  I’d spent my whole life being taught that anything less than perfection was unacceptable [not by my family] and I was never able to relax and enjoy the world around me.

College came, and, as before, I worked my behind off.  No one saw me because I was in the studio all hours of the day and night, sometimes all night.  I’ve never liked the person that I am when I’m a workaholic.  I get stressed out and I become this horrible person or a hermit.  So….graduation finally came.  Ta-da!  I’m magically a grown up, right?  Ha.  I’ve always been told I’m mature beyond my years.  In some ways, I’m abundantly thankful for that.  In other light, I feel that it’s evidence I haven’t taken the most advantage of the years of my youth and that I’m now no fun.  I’ve had to be grown up since I was a little girl in gymnastics…a little girl who was made to continue competing on an ankle she broke the same day.  A little girl who was rarely praised and always reprimanded by those same coaches [yet quiet and well-behaved]. 

So now that I’m in a lull in the working world, it’s like everything is catching up to me.  I’m finally taking a breath.  Unfortunately, I don’t want to breathe it back out.  I am desperately searching for a job.  But at the same time, I can’t take the idea of another miserable 8-5 where people treat me horribly and I work so hard that I never get to do anything that I enjoy.  I hate the idea of living my life from one weekend to another.  The rest of the week is just wasted–like that’s an entire week of my life that I’ll never get back that I could have been enjoying or doing something fruitful [cause we all know work isn't always fruitful ].  To sum it up, I’m dreading all this.  I’m dreading getting another job for fear that I’ll be miserable.  I’m trying my hardest to get my business to go further, but I think for right now, I just need a steady income. 

This just sounds like a rant, doesn’t it.   It very well may be.  I’m just really praying that all that work will pay off and that God really does have something great in the way of another job.  I don’t want to dread life.  I want to wake up eager to start it!

[ as i wait ]

You know, the more and more God has developed patience in me since I was little, the more I’ve realized how little I have and how very much it is NOT in my nature.  It’s something God definitely has to keep renewing in me.

Some things in our spiritual life are like a cup that is filled, and you don’t ever really lose any that you’ve put in, you simply add to it.  An example of this is wisdom.  Though the wise say “the more wisdom you gain, the more you acknowledge how little you have,” I am asserting [avoiding philosophical dissention] that perhaps we simply add on to our wisdom [well, God does] as we grow.  Patience, for me, seems to be that cup with a hole in it.  It’s like, once you empty your tank on a tough situation, you need to ask for more.   Now, obviously, it is an ongoing process and something that builds with experience…but at the same time, I so often feel void of it when I need it most.

This is coming into discussion because I see it materializing a lot lately.  Whenever I think I’ve finally got a good grasp on this ‘patience’ thing, I realize how little I have.  One way this has been showing itself is with my job situation.  So much so, and I’m growing so weary, that I feel I have no stamina left to burn.  Like I just want to give up.  I’ve worked like crazy to make my business grow–which I still feel it could if I had ample resources.  But since I DON’T have those, I am pressed to the point of finding a position elsewhere.  I was so scarred by the last job I was in, that I have convinced myself there is no such thing as a job that isn’t miserable.   So I dread it.  I dread it all.  Even so, I’ve put in about 50 resumes, with little return.  Part of me is itching to fight the fight for my business again.  But when I think of all the money and insane time it is going to take [often with no response], I get overwhelmed all over again and just want to crawl under a rock.  People keep saying that God’s got something in store.  But then that impatience thing [and rent] kicks in again.

This is just one example of my struggle with patience.  There are other big things I’m battling with patience on, one in particular, and I have no excuse.  It isn’t something that will hurt me if i’m not worrying about it [no such thing, i suppose], but it is just me being a kid and wanting what i want when i want it.  It’s getting better.  God said so this morning when I read Romans 8:25 “But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.”  Sigh.  I know.  I’ve known all along.  I have to give it over daily–whether it’s easy or not…and He will see that’s it’s taken care of.  I’m so thankful for my great siblings who are there to encourage me…and one in particular [doesn't take a rocket scientist...].

Isn’t it funny how, as we grow further in our spiritual walk, we yearn for something so much deeper, more challenging, and truly ‘advanced’ [in our minds]?   Now, on the one hand, it is very natural and God speaks to the movement from milk to meat in our spiritual feeding.   But the irony steps in when we realize that the things which tax us most are usually the “surface” blatantly obvious and basic things we were taught in [a figurative] day one?  IE patience, love, peace, faithfulness, self-control….and all the other “fruits.”  If your ‘fruits’ are messing up, then that means you aren’t quite in step with the Holy Spirit…doesn’t mean He isn’t in you and working with you…it’s just that the evidence proves there’s work to be done [as there always is].   We can’t forget the basics.  If you go straight to Calculus and leave your basic math behind, you will NEVER succeed.   Don’t be a math snob.     

[ in the beginning ]

So, it is my first post on this crazy little webworld known as wordpress.  Do you like my cheap advertisement across the top of the page?  Hehe, gotta get it in where I can…

Well, I’m eager to start yet another blog page.  When Mike and I were discussing the possibility of having an entire body of believers keeping a blog of their spiritual lives, my mind went aflutter with all the opportunities that poses.  It could be so many things: 

1. I’ll finally consolidate my many blogs into one.   Yay for me and for you and for my fingers and for my keyboard.

2. It forces us all [especially those who feel they aren't skilled in the art of materializing their feelings or spiritual growth into words] to repeatedly reevaluate the things God has been teaching us as we write.  We then analyze better because we are articulating the experience to ourselves and in an understandable fashion to others.  Lameman’s terms: you’re re-chewing everything God fed you so that you soak in more nutrients.   And, of course, teletubbies taught us that repetition makes for successful learning [I detested that show].

3.  It keeps us accountable.  To ourselves, to our commitment in a walk of faith, to our Father, and to one another as brothers and sisters.  I can be the first to admit that I might be horrible at keeping up with this thing.  My Xangas of yesteryear proved that I can drop the ball.   BUT, if we are constantly reading each others blogs, then we are able to keep up with each other spiritually and in our daily life experiences.  We can share with each other what God is accomplishing in our lives whereas Sunday mornings can’t always provide full time for such.  We can be the body of believers God intends for us to be.  Not just a pretty face on a Sunday morning that we ‘worship with’ but aren’t actively engaged with. 

I love you and want to intimitely know you the best I know how.   When I share things with you, I encourage you to reply with comments, whether private or openly, to keep me in accountability.  If you disagree with something, sharpen me with that iron, baby!  If you have applicable and fruitful thoughts or words of wisdom, write it!  I want to know how my life entertwines with yours since God put us in the same path.   In so saying, I pray you’ll allow me to prune you in the same manner and that you’ll share with me God’s AMAZING work in your life.

Let’s see how this goes…